2007-05-15
shoes shoes shoes GAY
it might seem difficult to keep track of five different blogs, but i actually enjoy it, mostly because i don't know what i write in which blog. reading back on them later on when i've completely forgotten about them is always a lot of fun.
within the last two months, i've met about four or five different guys here in cedar rapids. well, the cedar rapids/iowa city area. i also tend to exaggerate numbers by one or two, so it may just be only two or three guys i've met so far. whatever, i haven't really kept track, but i think it's quite impressive for myself. i've never dated, and i haven't really gone on an actual date with any of the guys i've met so far, but i've learned quite a bit about myself and relationships recently.
like how embarrassing and unhealthy it is when i get attached too quickly. which has happened pretty much 90% of the time. i think it's mostly because my life lacked mutual affection from other guys for such a long time that once it does happen, i latch on and never want to let go. EMBARRASSING. and pretty pathetic sometimes. my emotional slumps afterwards (when i realize they won't call or aren't really my type) last for about week, in which i normally lose three pounds. anxiety has become my most successful diet yet.
my cellphone works as the microphone for my emotions in all of this. i've run up my text messaging bill a bit more than expected within the last two months. guys don't like talking on the phone, i've realized. unless they're really drunk or about to pass out. actually, i don't like using the phone unless i'm really drunk or ready to pass out. and even then it's probably not the best time for me to be speaking with anyone, unless i want to proclaim my extreme infatuation with them three days after we've met.
which brings me to something else -- when the gender roles have become irrelevant, who calls who after the two-day date phone call thing? seriously! i don't get that rule. i don't know if it even really applies to gay people, but if it did, how would we know who's expected to call whom? it makes no sense to me. i hate the game, but i'll play it if it means i won't be lonely anymore.
and i do get pretty lonely sometimes. i want to have someone to come home to or look forward to seeing after work. hell, even someone just to chill at home and watch a movie with me. that would be nice, since my roommates don't ever know how to shut up and watch a movie in its entirety.
this is all quite foreign to me. and i don't know if i'm doing things right. i'm neurotic, i admit it. and i must keep that in check, because i would hate to meet anyone like me at this point in my life. i went to see a psychic will i was in houston, and she said i wouldn't find love or a steady relationship till next march (dammit), but maybe i'll learn something substantial and significant about myself, or maybe even gay people in general, within the next eleven months. i hope so. i think i'm really getting tired of being single.
happy birthday to me in 9 days!
tipsydrunk at 5:05 a.m.
