2005-06-26
champagne supernova
I didn't get to say what I needed to. I didn't get to do what I wanted to. It always ends up this way. The ends of all my trips always leave me feeling really shitty and depressed. There's always something that I wish I did that I didn't. Something I wish I said but couldn't. It really is easier to regret something you HAVE done than something you didn't do. It's hard to numb yourself to that feeling, even if it does happen a lot.
I leave in two days. I don't want to go back to that shameful island. I want to stay here, somewhere familiar, but new to me. I don't want to go back to isolation, where everything becomes all-too familiar and mundane and boring. The simple island life. It's too simple. I will not settle for it for much longer. I need to get away from that god-forsaken rock!
I really don't want to go back. If I could, I would just run away now, find someplace to stay here for a while. But without any money or even a high school diploma, I don't think I'd get by for too long. I know I have to go back to Saipan. And I will. But only to straighten things out so I can finally ditch the place.
Someday you will find me | caught beneath the landslide
in a champagne supernova in the sky...
tipsydrunk at 5:34 p.m.
